I want to be able to provide for my son.

Okay, the last few weeks have been tough for our family, reason being, I was recently laid off from my job. This is the third time in my professional career that I’ve been laid off for budgetary reasons and what’s worse, is that it’s the second time I’ve been laid off during the holidays.

Being laid off is not a fun experience and now that I have a child, it’s even more stressful. I want to be able to provide for my son and give him everything that he needs to be successful in life. But, now that I don’t have a job and have had to file for unemployment, I feel like a complete failure and that I’m not a good parent. My family and friends have told me that I shouldn’t feel that way, yet, for some reason I can’t stop beating myself about what has happened. None of the lay-offs that I’ve been through have been my fault and despite knowing that, I still feel pretty down about it all.

So I guess you could say, I’ve been in a bit of a funk since I’ve lost my job and that’s why I haven’t really been blogging as much as I have before. Being able to be with Ryan day to day has cheered me up, however, at the same time, it makes me sad since I should be going to work to get him what he needs. It’s a catch-22 to say the least and given that it’s challenging to look for a job with him around sometimes, he’s still been going to day care so I can scour the Internet to find places to apply and submit resumes to. Nothing has popped up yet and I’m trying to stay positive that something will. It’s hard though, it’s hard to stay positive due to the fact that during this time of year, no one really hires. I’m going to keep plugging away though in hope of that my hard work will result in a new opportunity. Fingers crossed.

On a fun and happy note, yesterday was Thanksgiving and I was able to enjoy it with Ryan and my entire family. My husband Dave, my mom, dad and brother, and Dave’s kids and grand-kid. It was a nice break from the job hunting pressure and I’m thankful for having all of them in my life.

In the end, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and that’s how I’m approaching this recent lay-off. I keep telling myself that it will all work out and that something good will come out of this challenge set before me. God works in mysterious ways and I can’t wait for what’s going to happen next!  :)